Лекция: A: Ruth has got such good looks!
B: Who? Who is a beauty?
A: Ruth. Rupert should be happy to have such a good-looking wife!
B: I would choose a wife who could be a good cook.
Mother’s Warning
A: Dear girl, you must be more serious about Bert.
B: He is a bore!
A: He is tall, sturdy, and earnest.
B: When we walk, he never talks. He is taciturn.
A: He is a surgeon. He works a lot.
B: Yes! But what does he earn?
At Home
A: Nick, have you seen my beads?
B: Not exactly beads.
A: What do you mean?
B: I’ve seen bits of your beads in the dustbin.
Plans
A: Tom, tomorrow I’ll go to a beautician.
B: What for?
A: To have my nose operated on.
B: Are you joking?
A: No, not at all. And I want this ugly mole removed.
B: Who told you it was so ugly?
A: Nobody. But I know.
B: What will it cost?
A: A big lot.
B: Oh, God!
Losses
A: Clair, where is my teddy bear?
B: And where is my éclair?
A: I ate it.
B: Ate my éclair? How dare you?
A: Just ate it. So, where is my teddy bear?
B: I’ll tell you: I ate it.
On the Phone
A: I haven’t heard from Luke.
B: He’ll be back soon. Now he’s gone on a tour.
A: Where to?
B: Cameroon.
A: Poor Luke. They say it’s a boorish country.
B: Then it suits Luke.
Dislikes
A: I hate dogs and boys.
B: Why so?
A: There are too noisy. And they have a lot in common.
B: What?!
A: They play with toys and upset my pots.
In a Restaurant
A: What will you have?
B: I’m on a diet.
A: Come on, I’ll pay.
B: What did you say?
A: Don’t be shy, I’ll pay.
B: Thanks. Great! Then I’ll have dry wine, a steak, fried potatoes, grapes, ice-cream, and a cake.
A: Okay. Waiter!
Misunderstanding
A: When shall we meet again?
B: I’ve got a fever, and I’m sneezing.
A: Run away! I’ll wait.
B: I’m on a sick leave!
A: Then I’ll come to your place and stay!
B: Hey, don’t be crazy. I’m leaving.
At the Table
A: We tried fried oysters.
B: To fry oysters? Are you kidding?
A: No! We put moist oysters in the oil and added spices. But still the oysters were spoilt.
B: You should have boiled them.
A: Now we know.
Frank Talk
A: Where’ve you been walking around, Simon?
B: In the library.
A: Don’t try to tell lies now. I saw you in the pub down the street. Liar!
B: Right. I’m a liar but you are a spy!
In the Sitting-Room
A: Tony, will you buy a new blouse and a coat for your Rose? I’ve found a lovely shop selling clothes round the corner.
B: No, I’m going to buy trousers.
A: Noble spouses don’t say “No” if they don’t know.
B: Why should I say “Don’t know” if I won’t?
A: One never knows, Tony.
In the Classroom
A: Excuse me for interfering, is there a spare chare?
B: Yes, merely come in and sit here near us. You may be interested in this sphere.
A: No, thanks. I’m sorry. But we need a chair there.
B: Where?
A: Downstairs.
Jazz Chants (диалоги-речитативы в джазовом ритме)