How to Overcome Problems at School or Home

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 10, 2022 References

It can feel lonely when you struggle at school, and then come home and no one seems to care. You may feel like no matter where you go, you can’t seem to catch a break. Maybe your parents have divorced and your grades and suffering. You may have a difficult experience either at home or at school (or both), but this doesn't mean you cannot carry on with your life and deal with these problems.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Handling Problems at School

1
Tell someone if you’re being threatened or bullied. This is a serious issue that you shouldn’t have to hide from anyone. You won't get in trouble for informing others about how you are getting mistreated. You can also choose to walk away, and protect yourself if the bully is physically harming you.^{[1]
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- Talk to a guidance counselor or discipline officer at your school. Tell them how you feel and what has been done/said to you or about you.
- Stand up for yourself. Don't let others push you around. Nobody can tell you who you are; that’s for only you to decide.
- This includes cyberbullying. If you are being bullied over social media or via texting, direct messaging, emails with things like threats, pictures, spreading rumors, or verbal attacks, it's important that you talk to someone.^{[2]
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- Cyberbullying can be especially harmful because it can be done at any time, from almost anywhere. It can sometimes be difficult to track who is behind the bullying and undo damage done by images or messages once they have begun circulating.^{[3]
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2
Stick with your true friends. If you keep fighting with some friends, or other friends keep asking to copy your homework, decide if these are friends you want in your life. Choose to keep the friends that care about you and that you care about back. The people that use you or pretend to be your friends? Forget them.
- It can be hard to let friends go, but prioritize your happiness. If people contribute to your unhappiness, let them go.
3
Disengage from drama. Drama can be fun, but it can also be very damaging. Don’t ever spread rumors about somebody. Think about how you would feel if people were spreading rumors about you. Don’t get involved with drama, and don’t participate in other people’s drama. If someone spreads rumors about you, tell an adult and speak up for yourself. Nobody has the right to treat you disrespectfully.^{[4]
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- Remember that bullying and spreading rumors can have devastating consequences for the person being bullied and to those participating in the bullying.
- If two of your friends are fighting, tell them that the fight is between them, and you refuse to choose sides.
4
Prioritize your time. Make sure your social relationships don’t take over all of your time, and remember to devote some energy to school and learning. Especially if you have career or college goals, don’t lose sight of doing well in school. Devote some time for homework and classwork and have an attitude of success.
- If friends hassle you for staying in to finish homework, don’t feel bad. Sometimes you have to work, and other times you can play. Promise to meet up with them for the weekend.
5
Reconsider any romantic relationships that are constantly up and down. Fights are normal in romantic relationships, but they shouldn’t happen more often than not. If you find your romantic relationship takes up all of your energy, or you are constantly trying to make things better with a partner while your partner expects you to always apologize without taking responsibility, reconsider this relationship. A partner should add to your life, not take away from it.
- Don’t be with a romantic partner that is constantly jealous.
- Run as fast as you can if your partner begins to talk down to you, say you are worthless, or criticize your looks or appearance.
- Run even faster if your partner becomes violent with you by pushing, shoving, or violently threatening you. If your partner humiliates you, isolates you, or intimidates you, leave. This is abuse and cannot be tolerated.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Handling Problems at Home

1
Recognize signs of family problems. Some family problems can affect your life greatly and create a lot of distress, which can be hard when you are trying to balance your home and school life. You want a place where you feel safe, and home isn’t it. This can make you feel stressed, exhausted, confused, isolated, and negative. Some signs of family problems can include:
- Frequent arguing and disagreements.
- Poor communication.
- Angry outbursts.
- Avoidance.
- Physical conflict.
2
Talk to your parents. Especially if your family has gone through a major transition, such as a move, birth of a sibling, or divorce, talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. It’s hard to say whether they will respond in a way that benefits you, but you may be surprised to find they listen and support you.
- Tell your parents that you’re having a hard time with all the changes. Tell them you feel stressed and don’t know what to do.
3
Learn ways to get along with siblings. Maybe the biggest trigger at home is trying to get along with your sibling(s). Find ways to enjoy your time with your siblings in ways that don’t lead to conflict. Try to avoid topics or situations that tend to lead to fights. Find ways to show you care about your sibling.
- Try to resolve any ongoing feuds. For instance, if you fight for time in the bathroom in the mornings, create a schedule. You can also start taking showers at night.
4
Find ways to spend time outside of home. If you really struggle to get along while at home, or want to avoid the fights that happen at home between siblings or parents, find an outside activity. Try to spend less time at home and more time with school activities or with friends.
- This isn’t a long-term option, but should be used to temporarily get you through a tough time. Hopefully you can repair relationships and begin to spend more time with your family soon.
5
Take abuse seriously. If you are experiencing abuse in your home, seek help immediately. This can include from a parent, step-parent, relative, or sibling. Abuse within the home can include:^{[6]
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- Hitting, shoving or physical force that endangers or injures you.
- Someone belittling, humiliating, or criticizing you.
- Someone controlling everything you do, controlling your finances and your daily activities.
- Sexually approaching you (giving you unwanted kisses, unwanted touches or sexual contact, including oral sex or penetration, or forcing you to do the same).
- Blaming you for the behavior.
- If you are in danger, call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Coping With Problems

1
Have a positive attitude. You may feel discouraged about life and how things are going at home or at school. It might feel like it’ll never end and you’ll be miserable forever. Luckily, that’s not the case. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you won’t be bound by circumstances forever. Having a good attitude will help you get through many of life’s difficulties, and having a positive outlook is associated with lower rates of distress and having a longer lifespan.^{[7]
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- Do your best to see the positives around you and spend more time focusing on those things instead of the negative things.
Maybe you feel unsupported by your family. Reach out to your friends for support. Find friends you can talk to and express how you feel. Spend time with friends outside of school. If you don’t enjoy being at your house, ask to go to your friend’s house after school. Do what you can to surround yourself with people that care about you. After all, having friends is an important part of emotional health and happiness.^{[8]
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You can join clubs or activities at school such as theater, debate team, math team, and sports teams. Maybe you want to spend less time at school, so you can join a dance class or start rock climbing. Check out activities through a religious organization that you find interesting. Start volunteering at a nursing home or shelter for animals. Do what you can do get involved, meet people, and have fun.
This can mean asking a guidance counselor or therapist for help. You may be able to see a guidance counselor at school. If you attend university, your university will have a student health center and a student mental health center, and will likely offer free counseling services.

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Problems are only problems if we define them as such. You could look at problems in a different light. Whenever you encounter a problem in the future, try to look at it objectively, or from a distance.

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If you fear for your safety within your home, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

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